Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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