But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
