You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
