My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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