There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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