During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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