I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
