How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
