all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
