a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You can't just leave with hair like that
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
