Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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