You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
