oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
