i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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