she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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