I could make wine with my vomit
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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