The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Rumble strips road head = magical
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
