do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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