She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
