I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
