I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
