I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
