god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
