How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
