omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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