im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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