Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
