dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
