I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
