The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
