There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
