i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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