WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
