just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
worst night to have a conscience
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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