I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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