i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
