I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
