so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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