i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
