My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
