hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
