I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
