There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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