u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
