You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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