Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
