And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
