So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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