You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
