Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
