Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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