I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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